2020 Reflections

Me at the beginning of the year.

I walked into 2020 like an innocent, angel baby. I had no idea what was in store for me this year, I mean really, who did? 2019 was a huge year of transformation, and I can’t say 2020 was any different.

In January of 2020 my partner had just got out of sober living and moved in with me. We were living at a friends house. Couch surfing, if I’m being honest. Me, my partner, and our dog. It was a lovely experience though. One can only live on a couch so long before it gets tiring for everyone involved, so we made our move to a tiny studio apartment in February.

Our tiny studio apartment which we loved so much!

This was a glorious move for me. I absolutely LOVE Long Beach, California. I was pretty much born and raised there. We lived downtown, so walking distance to everything. It was also right near where pride WOULD have been had it not been for Covid.

We made so many memories in our little apartment. It was our first home together, and where we we got quarantined together when the pandemic hit. We had about a month of walking everywhere and going to fun, fancy bars and shops in the area before that happened. Then, it was nothing but staying home and trying to find some damn toilet paper at Vons. But I don’t have to tell you that.  You already know!

We planned to move to my partners home town of Baltimore, MD in December of 2020. But in May, her mother suddenly passed away. It was absolutely heartbreaking. We had sent her a Mother’s Day gift in the mail that she never got to open. As you probably know since I’m always talking about it, my mom passed away in 2006. So I’m no stranger to parent grief, and it was devastating to watch my partner and her family go through such a loss. When we got to her hometown for the funeral we opened up the box we had sent and placed some of the items in her room. It was bittersweet. I can’t say that in helping deal with her mother’s passing, some of my own grief was stirred up as well. It was a very tough time.

At my partners mom’s grave.

We knew then that we had to move to be with her family sooner.

I sold my car, which was a huge deal for me! We started downsizing and getting ready to pack all of our stuff up into her Chevy Impala, plus our dog, and two cats that my ex gave back to me during the pandemic! I was beyond stressed at the thought of driving across country. But I knew we were making the right decision.

I’ve never lived anywhere else other than Southern California. It was sad to say goodbye. I had a very hard time with moving so far away from my mom’s grave. I’ve asked a few friends if they will go visit her for me.

We made it to Maryland in about a week. We stopped and stayed at many hotels, which I adored. There is something so lovely about a good hotel. I took pictures and documented our journey on my Patreon. The cats were a nightmare, as you could imagine. They screamed the whole time we drove. The dog was pretty easy but hated getting out at rest stops. The trip went pretty smoothly, except one of the cats shit in her cage the last 45 minutes of our drive. Oh well, if that’s the worst thing that happened, I’ll take it!

Since our move things have seemed to slow down a bit for me. We’re not paying $1,300 rent for basically one room anymore, so that has freed up a lot of worry on my end. I’ve had more time to create and reflect on what I want to do with myself. I’m still a personal assistant and social media specialist, but I also want to keep growing my brand and have been spending so much time trying to figure out how I will accomplish that.

A memoir exercise I completed to get me ready to write!

In November I participated in #NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). The goal was 50k words in the month of November. I only got to 15k before I quit, but I’m still very proud of myself. I began writing my memoir which will be about my attempted murder and my mother’s murder. The title I have so far is “Remembering Me”.  I planned to have it out in June of 2021 (laughs hysterically). I had no idea just how much work it would be, I’ve been taking courses on memoir writing and self publishing.. and let’s just say, it will not be out in June of 2021. Maybe June of 2022… and that’s still a big MAYBEEEE.

I hadn’t anticipated just how much my ptsd would be triggered by writing this damn thing. Thankfully, I’m still on my meds for bipolar, depression and anxiety. My psychiatrist gets major props because that’s been the only way I’ve been able to get through this. One of my goals for 2021 is to get back to therapy, which I know will help so much as well.

So that leads me to here, where I am now. I’ve been slowly but surely working on my Youtube channel. During #NaNoWriMo I did several writing and productivity sprints (live writing streams) on my channel. It was so much fun, something that really helped me get my ass in gear to write. I decided that I would carry that over into the new year, and maybe do some sprints once a week to work on this here blog.

I do love writing, I just have a terrible time sitting down to do so. Patreon gets the bulk of my efforts. But I have decided to commit to one blog post a week here, two on patreon, one youtube video a week, a monthly newsletter, and more time on my own social media channels. Whew. A lot of work, but I think I can handle it. 

I’m excited to be blogging again. I plan to make this a queer lifestyle blog. I know, everyone says to niche down, but I am still all over the place about it. Maybe as the year progresses I’ll be able to narrow it down a bit. As always, if you have anything you want to see here, just let me know! I love taking suggestions. Don’t forget you can join my patreon for just $1 a month.

Here’s to getting so much done in 2021! Cheers, queers!

Wise words of advice for myself & anyone else who needs it. Xo

 

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